I Will Remember

"Please Remember" by LeAnn Rimes

I haven't written about my ex in a long time...but tonight is one of those nights when I can't escape the memories.  It came about when I typed in my last name in a Facebook search to see how many friends I had with the same last name, which is very common, and of course R's name came up in the search.  I noticed that it said "Add Friend" on the right side, and I immediately thought "DAMN IT!" I should have unfriended him long ago.  But what's done is done.  It's amazing how childish I can feel in the playground of Facebook.

Your first love will always have an effect on you, no matter how long ago it was or how much it hurt to say goodbye.  I moved on a long time ago, but maybe now, there won't be anymore traces of him in my life moving forward.  No matter how hard he tried not to hurt me, or didn't try, his actions have always affected me after we separated.  Part of it was because his actions were callous.  And part of it was because there were sprinkles of old memories of us left in my heart, like sugar sprinkled in coffee which can never be separated again.

Now that our lives have finally taken different paths with no more roads or bridges to connect us, maybe I will start to look back on our experiences together, not as bad memories, but as the sweet memories they were of loving for the first time.

I'll end this post with my favorite memory, my first kiss.  I remember it was a cool fall night at school.  We decided to go to the main mall as usual and lay under the trees, looking at the Capitol building lit up in the distance and at the stars even further in the distance.  We were laying down talking about something, which escapes my mind now, your arm was bent at the elbow, and your head was resting on your hand.  Then, you leaned forward, and you kissed me.  I had butterflies in my stomach, and I remember smiling.  I believe you said, "That was nice," and then kissed me again, which surprised me.  I felt so happy, nervous, and excited, and I couldn't believe I'd just had my first kiss.  And second kiss, I guess.  It was like something out of a movie.  A few years later, I would walk by the main mall, and I would think about that kiss and smile.  Whether you remember this memory, I will never know, but I will always remember.