I'm the type who takes things slowly in a relationship. I fall in love slowly. And I fall out of love slowly. During my first relationship with R, we took a long time to even hold hands. I remember the first time he held my hand so clearly. Every week, the University has a free showing of a relatively recent movie that was in theaters. On one of those Thursday nights, we went to see a movie, and you were sitting on my left. Halfway through the show, I noticed that you kept leaning your head on your left hand, and it looked like you were deep in thought. Then, you surprised me, and put your right arm over the arm rest and took my hand in yours. My heart was beating really fast, but I didn't know what to do. I remember looking at the movie screen, but I don't remember anything that was on it. I just remember holding your hand and feeling every movement you made. It's funny how over time, that strange feeling becomes so natural.
I know that early stages of relationships are filled with infatuation and passion, so even the small act of holding someone's hand can be exciting. I do hope those little moments are not lost over time because those memories help you get through the hard times.
Reading over this entry, I realize that I started writing in second person...I guess when I start to think back on memories, especially emotional ones, I picture R in my head and write to him. There are so many things that I wish I had told him, like how he made me feel when he first held my hand. It probably wouldn't have changed the outcome of things in the end, but at least he would have known how much I appreciated him.
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