An Ending

It finally happened. R is officially "In a Relationship" with someone new. When I first learned about this early this morning, I didn't feel the sharp pang of sadness that I had felt before. Instead, the feeling was more like a heavy heart, and a few tears eventually slipped from my eyes. Hopefully, I will feel like normal again in a short while.

Of course I knew this would happen sooner or later. I'm thankful that I had time to become a stronger person before I found out about it, even if the relationship has been developing for a long time. It sounds funny thinking back on it, but the first thing I did when I found out that R was dating someone else was google "ex started dating again" and "am i ready to start dating again." Of course internet searches don't bring instant relief, but advice columns and blogs do help soothe the unsettled heart.

I feel as if those three words, which is the beginning of R's story with another person, marks the end of our story. Honestly, I don't know if I will experience a better love story for the rest of my life. I do wish for it. But I have many wishes, many of which are irrational that I doubt will ever come true. Life moves on.

I read a quote once that said something along the lines of, "A man realizes the woman whom he loved the most at the end of his life." Initially, this sounds like something girls say to make themselves feel better after a break-up. Maybe your ex-boyfriend will finally regret not choosing to stay with you. Or maybe your love will last through the years and bring you together again one day when he realizes what he lost. In reality, I doubt this ever happens. So, if I doubt that R will ever regret letting go of our love or that we will ever get back together, what is left for me to do after hearing this news? The only thing I can do: wish him happiness. He didn't find it with me, so maybe he can find it somewhere else.

It sounds like a selfless wish, but I have also thought about, "What if I never find someone better for me?" Of course, it's easy to wish someone happiness with another person if I can find happiness with another, too. But what if only one of us finds that deep, soul-satisfying love? That's a question I'd rather not answer. Perhaps I will find this answer out at the end of my life, but by then, maybe all of these feelings and struggles I've been going through will seem trivial, nothing more than an old movie playing in my head.